


Phoenix [Kaylor]

by beachwolf92 (musicaddict08), paladin13



Category: Fashion Model RPF, Karlie Kloss - Fandom, Kaylor - Fandom, Taylor Swift (Musician)
Genre: Alternate TS6, Alternate Universe, Coming Out, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-17 00:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13647594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicaddict08/pseuds/beachwolf92, https://archiveofourown.org/users/paladin13/pseuds/paladin13
Summary: It's been three long years since Taylor Swift released an album, and her fans are eagerly awaiting any sign of new music. Just like 1989, this album goes in directions no one sees coming, and just like back then, this "could end in burning flames or paradise." But after all...'In order to riseFrom its own ashesA phoenixFirstMustBurn.'Quote from 'Parable of the Sower' by Octavia Butler





	1. The New Album

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Zoe and I started writing this during our post-concert high after Super Saturday, at about 2am. It was a rambling text conversation that I edited into a coherent story, hope you enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it. 

 

July 2017

Karlie walks into the music room, surprised but also excited that her girlfriend is letting her come for a visit. Taylor doesn't share her new songs with anyone until they're completely finished, unless she's sharing them with a collaborator, so Karlie knows she must have something ready. Over the last couple of years, she's heard a song here or there, as Taylor prepared for them to be released by other artists, or as a one-off for that movie. But it's been more than three years since she's heard anything Taylor intended to release herself, and she's ready. She knows Tay has her reasons for keeping the music a secret, not the least of which is that Karlie is always so damn proud of her girl, and can't lie to save her life, so anything Karlie has heard needs to be close to release or Karlie might burst. But still. Karlie feels a bit like all the Swifties online who freak out every time Taylor posts anything, praying it might be time. For the first time, Kar knows they might actually be on to something, if her invitation into Taylor's office is any indication.

Taylor isn't sitting at the piano, or with a guitar in her hand like Karlie expects. Instead, she sits on the couch, her MacBook in her lap, curled under a blanket, even though it's easily over ninety outside. "Hey, babe," Karlie greets her softly, careful not to startle a genius at work. "How's it coming?" Karlie tries not to push about the music. Taylor hadn't taken the decision to back off her usual album release schedule lightly, and Karlie doesn't ever want her to think she made the wrong choice. She needed the time and the space and Karlie respects that more than anyone. She knows the true fans will too, the ones who want her to be happy more than they want her to be famous or whatever. The same fans who will support them, together, one day. But Karlie knows the time Taylor has spent down here has been increasing. She's spent more time with people like Jack, and Ryan, and even Ed. And she suspects she's here because the time has come for the hiatus to end.

The last time they did this, things had been different. They'd been a new couple, barely together a few months. They'd been in the car, driving the pacific coast highway, alone in the bliss of the honeymoon phase, enjoying the newness of their intimacy and the beauty of being able to share so much with someone so incredible, and strong, and so...right. Someone who fit perfectly, the other piece of the puzzle. Taylor had been driving, and they'd been talking about everything and nothing when the mood had shifted. It had worried Karlie at first, the way Taylor suddenly turned shy, and she'd wracked her brain trying to figure out what she'd said or done to damage the fragile connection they were both still nurturing. But after a few minutes of silence, Taylor had seemed to come to a decision, asking tentatively if Karlie truly liked her music. Karlie had gushed over her favorite songs from Taylor's albums, glad to be able to provide some reassurance. If Taylor was afraid that Karlie was only pretending to like her songs to get into her jeans, that was an insecurity Karlie could happily erase. Taylor had then asked Karlie to get out her phone, plug it into the aux input in the car stereo, and choose the album called "Christmas Classics."

"Christmas? Taylor, honey, Christmas is over," Karlie had said, wondering why in the hell Taylor was so nervous to play her this totally random album, unless she was concerned Karlie would judge her for listening to Christmas music out of season, which, actually, she was.

"It's, um, it's not actually Christmas music," Taylor had replied, her eyes steadfastly on the road ahead, the quaver in her voice betraying anxiety Karlie had hoped she was slowly easing. "It's my new album. It's going to come out this fall. I want you to hear it. But Karlie, it's not, it's full of the ghosts of my ex, and I just, I don't know if we're there, you and me, and I don't want to scare you off."

Karlie had assured her that nothing like that was ever going to happen, and Taylor had given her a small smile as she told her that the first song actually gave her a shout-out of sorts. They'd played them all, Taylor carefully sharing the things she felt comfortable with, Karlie listening intently, wanting to know everything about the beautiful, emotionally fragile woman she was falling more and more in love with with each new piece of information. It hurt to hear how much Dianna had damaged Taylor, with the way she treated her and the heartbreak that came with turning down a proposal she wanted so much to accept, but knew would only break her in the long run, both in her career and in her heart.

And now things were so different between them. They'd weathered an entire tour of those ghosts, growing stronger even when life made it a challenge to even see each other. There had been some rocky moments, when Karlie had begun to question if they were truly on the same page, and had wondered if she was naive to think they could make this work, the two of them, with all the baggage that came with life in the spotlight. They'd nearly broken up, that summer in London, when it seemed like there weren't any good answers. Karlie knew they'd both suffered from that, no matter how hard they'd both tried to pretend everything was okay. But they'd worked it out and now, Karlie knew, she was about to hear some of the happiest, most positive songs Taylor had ever written. At least, she hoped she was. Because certainly they were both happy now, together, at peace with where they were, and where they were going, together and as individuals.

The first few songs are happy. The blissful love songs Taylor had never before been able to write. There isn't a gendered pronoun to be heard, and that makes Karlie's heart soar, knowing that the 'you' in all these songs about joyful, unabashed love was her. That Taylor isn't hiding it behind some guy, though the media and some of the more intense Swifties would do that for them, pronouns be damned. There is also a song called _Free_ , that made Karlie sit up straight in her chair, as her girlfriend sang about letting go of all the expectations that others put on her, and in living only to herself, and her own standards, being finally, truly, free. Taylor once again looks almost shy when that one starts, the closest song she'd ever recorded to telling the truth. It wasn't a come out, by any means, but it made it clear that she intended to be herself going forward, consequences be damned. Karlie thinks she will burst with pride over the confidence she can see in her girl, and hear in the song, even as she acted timid about it because she knows her girl will strut around the stage like she owns it, because she does, when she performs that song live one day. Karlie liked to think some of that confidence was her doing. She certainly thought her girl deserved it.

But then Taylor pauses the recordings, sets the laptop aside, and takes Karlie's hands in hers. "These next few. They're, well, they're from _that_ summer. They're _those songs_. And I'm sorry. But they had to be there." And Karlie had wraps her arms around her girl and holds her tight, because what else could she do. Taylor was right. Those months, that period in their relationship, was real, and important, and there had been a lot of emotion then and she knew, from dating a songwriter, that the negative emotions produced the most prolific nights of writing, the ones when Taylor wouldn't come to bed until four or five in the morning, barely falling into bed before Karlie got up. The ones they spent half a world away, each crying themselves to sleep, worrying that the distance might yet tear them apart. She'd struggled to deal with her own emotions, and she knew that these songs were Taylor's way of dealing with hers. But that didn't make hearing them easy. Especially since she didn't hear them immediately in the aftermath but instead now, months or even years later, just sitting there with her girl and hearing what that time period did to Taylor. Learning what it was like from Tay's side to go with her own.

Back on that road trip, Karlie had sat through the ghosts of Di and vowed to never let it happen again. And then to hear some of those same hurts and ghosts and insecurities in songs about her? And Karlie, bless her, trying to hide how hard it was because she wants and needs to hear it. Wants to hear their story from Taylor's perspective but god it HURTS and she promised not to do that and she'd beaten herself up for the part she played in making Taylor ever worry about them and their relationship. And then they finally get past that time period in the songs and Taylor looks up and into her eyes because she had to look away. She knows if she looks at Karlie she'll end up crying and it's bad enough her voice is cracking in some of the recordings and she sees Karlie with tears in her eyes and almost tackles her in the rush to hug and reassure her "No, baby, no. It's okay. It's fine now. We're fine. We got through it and it made us stronger. I love you so much. I was wrong, it was my fault..." just rambling, not even sure Karlie is listening. The two of them sitting on a piano bench, tear stained cheeks, holding tight. Gentle kisses to each other's foreheads, and soft reassurances whispered into their hair. Because they both know they had to do this but it's hard, going back to that time, no matter how much better things are now.

It takes a few minutes and a lot of Kleenex to finish the tracks, which go back to the joy they feel today, being secure in their relationship and who they are. Karlie thinks it's over, that she's heard the whole album. Overall, she knows it's probably going to be Taylor's best album ever and they'll both be stupidly proud of it and it'll be such a positive era, even with those couple songs from the dark period. She's so excited to see the promo and hear Taylor talk about the songs, and what they mean to her, though there's a slight cloud when she realizes she's not sure how exactly Taylor plans to explain the bliss the tracks reveal when at the moment she's single publicly and has been since the disaster last summer. And then Taylor scrolls a bit and selects another track. "I was thinking about putting this one on there too. If you're okay with it."

* * *

October 2017

"Are they talking? Do you think they've figured it out yet?" Taylor's voice has pitched itself an octave higher than normal as she surveys the video feed from the living room, where sixty odd guests from around the world are mingling and being served drinks. She can't contain the excitement she feels knowing what she has planned for these carefully selected individuals. They've signed the most restrictive NDA's her legal team has ever crafted, before they could even find out they were being invited to something. But the fans had largely reacted with statements like "I will sign away my right to even admit I met her" and "you can never discuss this with anyone, including people who were here? Fine, where do I sign?" so she knows they're eager. Most of them have never been invited to anything before. They weren't allowed to acknowledge that she was following them on Tumblr at all before today, unless she'd been following them for years. They still aren't, though that will come later. "Do you think they know what day it is?"

Karlie leans her head back, laughing at the enthusiasm her girlfriend is displaying. It's endearing, how happy she is about her master plan. She loves the little details, it makes her happy to put them all in there. "I'm sure they realize having them all come on a Wednesday wasn't a coincidence. And given who most of them are, I doubt the significance of October 11 is completely going over their heads. But you know, if you want to make it clearer we could..." Taylor cuts her off with a kiss.

"I don't even want to know, babe. They'll get it as soon as my special guest joins me, THAT I'm confident in." As she's about to provide further encouragement to that special guest they hear a throat being cleared across the room and reluctantly break apart.

"How many times am I going to have to remind you two to lock doors before you do that? I'm not sure you pay me enough," Tree deadpans, stepping closer to the couple. After years of this, Taylor doesn't even have the decency to blush anymore, though Karlie's cheeks are slightly pink from getting caught. "I thought you'd like to know how things are going downstairs before we go further." Tree explains that they are, indeed, beginning to figure out who's who downstairs, though they're reserving excitement after so many fandom disappointments. Many of them have expressed doubts that Taylor is even home, suggesting they're maybe there to be told to shut up about Kaylor or risk banishment. They're a sarcastic and cynical bunch, Tree reports, but there are a few eternal optimists who remind her a bit of the taller woman in front of her. At any rate, they're reaching the point where nothing more can be accomplished by keeping them waiting, the time has come for Taylor to say hi, unless she's chickening out.

Taylor takes a deep breath and looks at her outfit one last time in the mirror. The ripped jeans and v-neck tee shirt are a far cry from the styles of any of her past albums. She's wearing heels, the one concession to her past styles, though she knows she plans to kick those off and go barefoot as soon as they're all settled and she doesn't have to worry about anyone stepping on her and breaking a toe. The graphic on the shirt featured lyrics from a song none of her guests would recognize until nearly the end of the event, in a pretty rainbow gradient. Each of the attendees would get one to take home, a unique piece of merch she wasn't going to sell. She felt a little silly wearing her own merch, but she was particularly proud of the sentiment, "love is worth the fight" and when she'd seen the shirts, well, she knew she had to share them with the people downstairs. The back features her signature and today's date, making it clear these are official. She doesn't want there to be any doubt. She's done playing in the shadows and deceptions. Karlie smooths an errant strand of hair behind her ear and kisses her gently on the lips, and then she finds herself nearing the landing where the assembled guests await.

"Hi guys," she says, smiling broadly at the crowd, hoping they can't hear the nerves in her voice, "I'm Taylor." The group is small but still shrieks with all the force of the larger groups from the _1989_ Secret Sessions three years ago. They may not call themselves Swifties, but this group, they are definitely fans, and she would be willing to say her biggest supporters of all. "As you may have noticed your blogs all have one thing in common," she has to pause for more screaming, and is really glad she has the whole building to herself here. "I wanted to take a chance to personally thank you for all your support, even when things were hard. It means so much knowing all of you have stuck around. And so, to thank you for that, I have another surprise for you..."

Karlie has been hovering just out of sight on the stairs above her girlfriend, waiting for the signal. She's dressed casually to match Taylor, jeans, a plain white shirt, and her favorite Stan Smiths, and she can't contain her natural sunshiny smile as she steps into view of the crowd at the bottom of the stairs. She's not sure she's ever heard a crowd cheer for her like this group does. She can see a few are crying, and she knows they're happy tears, because she feels a few tears coming to her own eyes. For a few minutes, she can pretend the rest of the year will feel just like this, all joy and love. She steps up next to her girlfriend and slips an arm around her waist, offering support but trying not to be too obvious, not yet. This is Taylor's day; she gets to pick how this goes. So she's a little surprised when Taylor says, in a quiet voice meant just for her, "hey baby" and reaches up to tangle a hand in her hair and turn her face toward her so their lips can meet. In front of people. For the first time. And Karlie thinks her heart is going to beat out of her chest as she hears the collective intake of breath by the entire room, including not only the fans but also Taylor's family and her publicist, and she worries for a moment this isn't going to work out. But as she opens her eyes and breaks the kiss, she can see she had no reason to worry. The gasping she heard was awe and love, and the whole room bursts into applause, unable to express their elation in words. "So, yeah," Taylor says when the noise fades, "you were very much chosen for a reason. Welcome to our home. Karlie and I are really happy you're here. I've got something really special to share with you guys, and I think you're going to enjoy it."

Food is passed around, including some of Karlie's fresh baked kookies. It made them both feel better to have a purpose, greeting the fans and making sure everyone had something to eat. It was fun for them, trying to figure out themselves who was who. Taking different bloggers aside and commenting on something they'd posted or tagged. To one "So, about you calling Karlie and I 'daddy' all the time? And saying you want us to dominate you?" To another "So about you repeatedly saying I should hit you in the face with the golf club while wearing the black blazer...are you okay?" And again, picking out a fan to target with "so about that death by cleavage post..." Even more fun was listening as cliques from within the fandom called out their friends from across the room, after overhearing a particular call out "hey, she had a point" or "I told you she was the real sinner" or "please tell me you read his fic." There is a lot of embarrassment, as the fans realize _exactly_ how much they'd been lurking and observing within the fandom while they waited for the right moment, but once they realize that Taylor and Karlie are genuinely excited to meet the people behind the posts, and know they had all been in fun, the group gets into the exposure, beginning to volunteer their urls instead of nervously wondering why they're asking.

Eventually the group is herded into the media room, where all cell phones are collected at the door. A murmur of excitement flashes through the room as they realize a fandom dream is coming true. THIS is the kaylor secret session they've all fantasized about but never actually believed would happen. They're about to hear the storied TS6 in person, before any other fans. The contracts they signed are completely worth it, because if THEY are the ones who were invited for this, TS6 is going to be just as gay as they imagined. The room falls silent almost immediately. No one wants to risk missing something. Taylor and Karlie sit together on a couch facing the crowd, and for the first time since their entrance, the girls look nervous. The fans understand. Taylor writes about her deepest, most personal feelings. And if these deep, personal feelings are about the woman sitting next to her, well, it's understandable that even in front of this group of fans who support them not only as people but as a couple, it might be a bit nerve wracking to reveal them. In the past, who songs have been about has been pure speculation, and, as this group well knows, largely incorrect speculation. This time, there is no wiggle room.

"So, this album is called 'Roses,'" Taylor begins and the fans stare in stunned silence, unsure if they should laugh, until Karlie herself cracks up and the tension breaks. "Okay, okay. For the record, there will never, ever, be an album called Roses. Like ever," Taylor tries again, and this time the fans know she's doing this on purpose, and it goes back to being a comfortable conversation instead of a tense mess. "Maybe I should just show you the cover..." Taylor trails off as she moves to unveil the large poster sitting beside her. She knows they'll be surprised by the image. It's her, her back to the camera, holding her hair piled onto the top of her head so the tattoo she got after getting Karlie's approval for the album is visible. They'd gone together, Karlie holding her hand the whole time. It wasn't Taylor's first, but it was the first time Karlie had gone with, and it had meant the world to have her girl with her, approving not only of the album Taylor planned to release, but of the change Taylor was making to her body. Karlie of course didn't have any actual say in what Taylor did or didn't do to her body, but Taylor liked knowing she admired the art as much as Taylor did herself.

"I know you're wondering. It's real." Taylor turns her back and tugs on her shirt. She's wearing a decent looking bra underneath, and it's not like anyone besides her team has a camera, so they might as well see. This one, at least, is in a publicly sharable place. Taylor is pleased to hear sounds of excitement and approval. It's different. But so is she. "I didn't really bring you here to to show off my body art, although I doubt too many of you minded the show. I brought you here to play you some music. You've heard the first single, _Free_. I'm really proud of that one, and I love how well it went over. It gives me hope that maybe the world will love this album as much as we do." Taylor and Karlie share a look, and Karlie gives her a squeeze of encouragement.

Just as she had for Karlie, Taylor plays a few of the positive, joyful love songs to start. For the first time in her career, she gives the true stories behind them explaining that she wrote this one after Karlie said 'I love you' for the first time, and that one the night after she nearly gave herself a concussion sitting on Karlie's shoulders, confirming a fan favorite anecdote Kimby shared ages ago. These fans get to hear it all. As they listen to the songs, they can't help but notice the subtle little touches, when there is a turn of phrase Karlie likes, she'll kiss Taylor, just on her nose, or her temple, or give her a squeeze. And whenever Taylor is hit by a particular memory, she returns the favor. After a few songs, they take a snack and drink break, and as they return, they are each handed one of those pocket packs of Kleenex.

As they take their seats, the fans are all looking at each other and you can see their minds all going to the same place: 'oh shit here it comes.' They all know what's coming. Taylor is smirking at them and holding Karlie's hand tightly because they're difficult songs coming up, but she KNOWS exactly where she's going to hit them. Because these are the songs from when they were having problems and she knows they'll all know exactly when it was from. Karlie leans over and whispers to her that she shouldn't look so damn happy about what she's about to do to them, especially knowing how it affects them too, even now. Months after the first time Taylor played the songs for Karlie and they cried. They still cry. Taylor isn't sure yet how she's going to get through the songs in concert, but she's pretty sure knowing how much the fans love the emotionally devastating songs will help. She's thinking "oh, this one is going to fuck them up so good" because she knows what they like, and this is exactly the kind of song they fall in love with.

And sure enough, when the songs are over, they're left with just a room full of emotionally destroyed shippers who know without having to be told what it was written about and maybe when and why and what it means. No explanation needed. They're pretty sure she wrote them post fifth wheel. They could she was so down in Dublin. And they're trying to decide which was worse: the song where she revealed Karlie almost broke up with her and gave her an ultimatum or the song where Taylor is just blaming herself, because she knows it was all her fault. And there Taylor and Karlie sit at the front of the room, just as destroyed, watching the fans collective suffering, though a tiny sadistic part of Taylor is enjoying it. Karlie is trying to be a good influence but a small part of her is enjoying it as well. She's enjoying it less than Taylor, but at the same time she's so proud it's hard to contain. There's something incredible about knowing her girl wrote a song that has reduced screaming fangirls to the display in front of them. You can hear a quiet but easily audible over the sniffling in the mostly quiet room, "Jesus Christ. Fuck you, Taylor." They're all doing the same thing. Just sniffling and saying variations on "fuuuuuuuuck." The little packs of Kleenex are long since used up and piled all over the room, and there's not even a tiny ghost of eyeliner left among them.

And then one of the blunter fans speaks up, breaking the quiet air of devastation. "Fuck. For fuck sake Swift, was that necessary? Warn a bitch, will ya'? Should have guessed, the way you were smirking, what a motherfucker that was going to be." And Taylor just smirks and says, "I did warn you. I didn't give you Kleenex for nothing." She's so smug about it, even though she has her own tearstains to contend with. And now that the hard songs are over, Karlie is wrapping her arms around Taylor tightly and kissing her cheeks and forehead, grounding them both in the present and reassuring herself she hadn't lost her. And the fans are missing half of that adorable moment because they're all so emotional they can't see through the tears, while the other half are burning it into memory.

The rest of the tracks are about rebuilding trust, and moving forward, and knowing you've found the one. And then comes track thirteen. It's always an important one, Taylor's final song on the regular album. And in this case, an introduction to the all-important bonus tracks. There are five of those this time, three originals, and two the fans have sort of heard before. But Taylor is getting ahead of herself. This song is the only one, of the thirteen regular tracks, to feature gendered pronouns, though she doesn't say so. She just plays it. A simple track about true love. With the girl of your dreams. But unlike _How You Get The Girl_ which was ambiguous enough to have maybe been about how someone else got Taylor, there is no question Taylor is the one in love. It is unremarkable if you ignore the pronouns, but with them, it is exquisite. And the fans can't believe it is really going to appear on the album the way they're hearing it. It leaves no way to back out, no space for reinterpretation. But at the same time, they know the track is real – it contains the lyrics emblazoned on Taylor's shirt, which they've long since deduced is merch for the next tour, chuckling to themselves that she's extra enough to wear her own shirt, but happy at least that they seem to have finally gotten new designers.

Unlike the Secret Sessions for _1989_ , which ended with the regular tracks, Taylor plays the bonus ones too. The re-recording of an obvious one from that previous album, Karlie's song, with the original pronouns intact. A cover, the first time she's ever released a recording of a song she had no part in writing, but another obvious choice from the fan perspective. A song that has come for many of them, to represent Karlie as well: "the closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer" they've ever seen. And three original tracks, including the title track for the album, all of which use female gendered pronouns, the title track explaining exactly why this album is a rebirth for Taylor. Because for the first time, her public persona and private-self will match. Which is why the fans in attendance can't talk about this. Not until the whole world knows what the assembled crowd have already suspected for years. It is overwhelming for Taylor and Karlie, the hugs, and the tears, and the congratulations. So many of those they've invited are infinitely familiar with the closet, they're feeling mixed emotions. Joy that they're ready, anxiety because they remember all too well how it felt to make that decision and the buildup to the moment they actually came out. So yes, there are tears this time, but the happy kind.

There will be no more pre-release parties. In fact, there will be very little promo before the album is actually released. It will debut in early November, at which time each attendee will get a code for a free copy, and a personalized signed CD will appear in the mail, since they clearly can't take one with them. But they get their shirts, ones that match Taylor's, and she says she would love to see them wear them the day it releases. Video of this, the only listening party, will go up at midnight the same day the CD appears in stores. And that morning, at eight a.m. Taylor will face the music, so to speak, in an exclusive interview on Good Morning America. She's chosen Robin Roberts for the first, Ellen will be the second. Seems fitting. Taylor and Karlie thank them, from the bottom of their hearts, for giving them the courage to take this step. It's a big one. And they know they'll need all the love they can get. And then there's nothing left to say, and Taylor and Karlie hug each fan as they file out. It won't be long now, until the whole world knows that they've been right all along.

When the invitees return to tumblr, they seem confident, in a way they haven't since the glass closet days, though no one can say why. It confuses the fandom. "Why are all the kaylor shippers seeming so smug even in the worst drought? Why do they just laugh when we try to debunk them without trying to defend their theories?" They are suddenly be less inclined to stay in their lanes, with the power of knowledge behind them, though they try not to be mean about it. After all, they don't have receipts to back it up. And they know there will be those online who start speculating about the men behind the songs before they are confronted by the track that makes it clear there is no man behind the songs at all. They know it will be infuriating to see the antis try and place that song to one of the stunts. They know they'll want to strangle them. But in the end, the evidence will be overwhelming, and it will be absolutely beautiful, knowing they were part of it.

* * *

February 2018

You wouldn't think Taylor would get nervous anymore before performances. She's an industry veteran now, with over a decade of them under her belt. But awards shows have always been the hardest for her. It's the one time she stands on a stage to perform that she doesn't know how the audience is going to react. At her own shows, at least, before last year, she was always assured a positive reaction. She likes to think that even now, with a world tour looming, people wouldn't pay good money to come to her show if they didn't enjoy hearing her sing. But shows like this, she has no idea what the audience is thinking. She always tries to be a good audience member, when she goes to these things, clapping appreciatively even when the performance wasn't her style. Because she knows how hard it is to stand up there in front of an uncertain audience and give it her all. Like tonight. Her first performance since she and Karlie officially came out. They'd gone to the AMAs as a couple right after her album released, and it had gone well. She'd gotten tons of hugs from a lot of her peers, including a few artists she'd never really talked to before, which had been nice. But they had been there just to support Ed, and Selena, and some of their friends. At the time only two singles from the album had been released, and too close to have been nominated. They were mere audience members, rather than participants in the ceremony.

She's a nominee tonight. She already lost one award, Music Video. The video for _Free_ had been nominated but she hadn't thought it would win, so it wasn't a huge disappointment that it didn't. But she's up for both Record of the Year and Song of the Year, among others. She's not sure she wants to win. She's up against a number of her friends, and she's had her moment. No, tonight, all she wants is for the performance to turn out. They expected her to play the title track, the second single from the album. And _Phoenix_ would have lent itself to a spectacular performance, it's true, lots of excuses to play with pyro. But in the few short months since the album had debuted, there has been a clear fan favorite. And tonight is about thanking them for standing by her. For accepting who she is, and who she loves, and buying _Phoenix_ in numbers that surpassed even _1989_. No, tonight isn't about flash. Tonight is about the music. And so tonight she'll play _What You Want,_ one of the most gut wrenching songs on the album. Out of an album full of positivity and love and being true to who you are, of course the fans have latched onto the song from the dark days when she feared she'd cost herself the love of her life. Because the fan favorites are always the ones with the most emotion behind them. The ones that tell the hard stories.

She's performed it live only one other time. For the audience at Ellen. She and Karlie had gone together, with both of their families, for only the second promotional appearance for _Phoenix_. The interview had been as much about them as about the music, but Taylor had known that would happen. She couldn't drop an album full of songs that told the truth about her love life for the first time and not also talk about it. And Karlie had agreed to all of it, or she would have veiled her identity behind pronoun changes like she always had. Before the interviews she'd done both _Free_ and _Phoenix_ , but after, she'd played _What You Want._ Karlie had promised to stay backstage, because she knew Taylor couldn't get through it with her there, but she had snuck out to hear the crowd react. It had been just as strong as they knew it would be.

And so now Taylor and Karlie sit in a limo making a huge circle from behind the Staples Center so they can make their official entrance. Karlie looks breathtaking in a simple black suit, expertly tailored to hug every line of her body, just a hint of her toned abs peeking out, a cropped top in a deep merlot visible under the open jacket. She holds Taylor's slightly clammy hand in hers and gently rubs a thumb across the back of it, silently reassuring her girl that all will be well. Taylor's dress is one shouldered, specially designed to show off the artwork on her back. It's a paler purple shade than Karlie's merlot, but it's clear the outfits were designed to coordinate. They both wanted it that way. Unlike past appearances, when they'd appeared with a whole group of friends, tonight they are a couple, united, even though Taylor will have to step away sometimes for interviews, and, Karlie hopes, to accept an award or two, even though Taylor has said she doesn't care if she wins. All she cares about is that the fans are happy with her performance. They've basically been demanding it since the moment they first heard the song, and she feels like they deserve it for sticking around, even when things got messy, and ugly. She lost a few along the way of course. The ones who couldn't handle the truth, the ones who weren't willing to accept who she really was. There had been backlash, and hate, and a week when she and Karlie had had to sneak away to escape the worst of the fallout. But she gained new fans as well, who love exactly who she is, flaws and all. Like the woman sitting next to her.

Karlie exits the car first, assisted by a gentleman stationed by the carpet for just that purpose. When it's Taylor's turn, Karlie offers her girl her hand, and allows her to cling tight as the lights flash and the crowds call their names. She threads Taylors hand through the crook of her elbow, an old-fashioned way to escort your girl, but it seems right, somehow. The journey down the carpet is supposed to be a solo affair, but Taylor refuses to relinquish her grip on Karlie's arm. Between stops, Karlie makes sure to lean in and tell Taylor how insanely proud she is. She's under intense pressure and Karlie knows her anxiety has to be through the roof, but other than the dampness of her hand in Karlie's you'd never know it. The press captures a stolen kiss, a photo that will spread like wildfire, America's newest power couple sharing a moment amidst the chaos.

The beginning of the show is a blur, as the two women sit side by side, front row, surrounded by friends from the industry. Taylor's family is there too, in the row behind, supporting her. It's like starting again, in a lot of ways, which is exactly why she'd chosen a phoenix for the art on her back. The phoenix of myth is reborn out of flame. Well, if coming out was going to be her crash and burn, down in flames moment, she was just going to have to rise from the ashes. She knew most people would probably think Fawkes, from Harry Potter, but her inspiration had actually been a chapter heading in an old favorite book of hers from her high school days, The Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler:

In order to rise

From its own ashes

A phoenix

First

Must

Burn.

As soon as she'd decided she couldn't release another album with gender-swapped pronouns, and that she wanted come out, she'd known there was a chance it would all blow up in her face. So she was prepared to rebuild, from scratch if she had to. Tonight feels a little like that.

Just as she finally starts to get lost in the show, seeing performances by some of music's best, talking to her friends, and applauding the winners, an aide comes to tell her it's time to get ready for her performance and for the first time all night, she and Karlie are forced to part. In a weird way, it is actually calming to descend into the chaos backstage. This is her element. Preparing for a performance is almost second nature. The hair, the makeup, the mic checks. Making a last second costume change after the sleeve on the first one rips. She's doing vocal runs to warm up in the corner of a bathroom when Lady Gaga walks in, radiant in a sliver gown that sprays rainbows on the walls whenever it catches the light. "Are you going to throw up?" she asks, digging around in her purse. "That's what I do before a performance like this."

They're not close friends, though they've connected through stylists and mutual friends, and shown their admiration for one another in various interviews over the years. Taylor went to her birthday party last year, and was thrilled to have a chance to back up public words with private actions. Taylor always forgets how short Gaga is, because her voice and her career are so huge. Gaga is a force to be reckoned with, and one of many artists who helped crack open the door for what Taylor has done. What she's about to do. Once she's assured her the butterflies in her stomach are, for the moment, going to stay inside, they share a hug, and Taylor realizes it's exactly what she needs. For someone so diminutive in stature, she gives strong, warm hugs. Taylor is saying silent prayers that she can actually sing the song without her voice breaking, but she's not even bothering to pray that she doesn't cry because she knows it's gonna happen. As she makes her way from that bathroom to the side of the stage to wait to be announced, she encounters so many well-wishers. People she's never spoken to tell her she's going to kill it. Ed is just coming off presenting an award and about to make his way to his seat with her family and her girlfriend, but he stops to hand her a shot of vodka he's snagged from god knows where with a wink. And then she's being guided into place behind a baby grand piano, and she's adjusting the mic in a way that feels both automatic and familiar, and also slightly detached, as if she is watching herself prepare.

Karlie is her plus one. Right there in the front row. Andrea is with her, just holding her because it's gonna be rough for everyone, her arm wrapped tightly around Karlie and Austin is holding Karlie's hand tight from her other side. And then it's her cue and Taylor is singing her heart out, with as much raw emotion as were in the first demos of the song. In that moment, Karlie knows that Taylor's gone back to that place just a bit emotionally both from the song and to deliver the performance she wants. Even Austin has tears in his eyes because he loves them both and hates that they had to go through that. And Andrea has Kleenex in her purse, and she's just so damn proud of her girls, she burns through them in a second. Taylor's music friends are there too, like Ed, and Selena, and her collaborators and people she's written for and they're all trying to keep it together because this is huge for her. This is the moment they've all hoped she'd get, from the time she started her career. It is raw, and emotional, and her makeup is running down her face, but her fingers find the right keys and her voice only cracks once and then it's over and she can finally turn her eyes to the crowd and let her blue meet Karlie's green.

Her lip quivers as she realizes that the crowd of her peers were the first to their feet. She sees even a few of the men in the audience swiping thumbs under their eyes. Her family looks destroyed there in the front rows, but as soon as she and Karlie regain eye contact, she mouths "I love you Karlie" and gets an "I love you more" in return. The thunderous applause lasts longer than she thought possible, and she can't believe it's all for her, and the song she wrote about the time she began to think maybe she really couldn't find the one, that maybe all the baggage that came with being Taylor Swift made her unlovable, unable to be part of pair, because she thought she'd found it, and then she almost pushed it away and lost it. She knows that this audience understands the emotion behind it in a different way than the fans who have adopted it as their own. They know what it's like to live with the pressure, to fall in love and struggle to keep it private and just for themselves. And they know what it's like to sometimes feel trapped into a choice between the personal and the professional.

The last time she stood on this stage, she achieved the pinnacle of professional success. But tonight, she sees the pinnacle of personal success in the front row, blowing her nose and stuffing it into her cleavage when she thinks no one is watching. And Taylor realizes she wouldn't have it any other way. Her coming out didn't force her into the fire. It was the beginning of her rebirth from the flames of false relationships and damaging ex-girlfriends. She doesn't bother going backstage after the performance the way they want her to. Before the applause can even begin to fade, she takes the steps into the audience and pulls her girl into her strong embrace and seals the moment with a watery kiss. Taylor will go home from the night with a pair of golden gramophones, but they don't matter. The real prize is the girl she brought with her, and the love they share. No amount of engraved statues will ever fill her heart the way a smile from the love of her life can, and she can't wait to spend the rest of her life working to earn an entirely different kind of prize.


	2. Super Bowl Sunday

Taylor wasn't entirely sure why it mattered so much to Karlie to host their first Super Bowl party. But it seemed to matter deeply, and Taylor liked hosting parties, so she went along with it. Even when Karlie insisted on it being in their St. Louis house, despite the unusual location meaning that many of their friends wouldn't be able to make it. Any excuse to throw a party, she supposed, and they really hadn't been able to do much at this one yet, with the whirlwind that had been their lives since she decided this was the come out album. She'd been thrilled when Karlie agreed to it, after hearing the album, and things had been going well, if busy, ever since. This would be a chance to sit around in their jeans and sweatshirts and just chill.

She hadn't expected it to still become the event it had. If they were in Tribeca she was sure they'd have had people in and out of the house all day as friends swung by just to say hi and have a nibble even if their schedules didn't allow for them to stay for the full game. But she figured St. Louis would be a much more intimate affair. She hadn't counted on so many of them being willing to go out of their way for a party. Karlie's family was always a given, since they'd been raised around football and baseball, even if it meant flying in. Austin joining them for football wasn't a shock either, nor was her Dad flying up for football and catch up with Kurt. And her mom could never resist both her children being in the same place - an increasing rarity as they'd gotten older and busier.

But she hadn't expected Abigail or Lily to be willing to fly in, nor some of their New York friends like Martha and Gigi. It'd only been when they said it was also sort of a housewarming and really any excuse to get together and have a few drinks was a good one that she'd stopped being so surprised. Karlie had surprised her by telling her Ed would swing by since he was working in Nashville and she made a mental note to ask where he was working and why he hadn't told her so she could come see him. She wasn't even sure why Cara was flying in for it, but she knew the Brit was always up for a good time even if American football made as much sense to her as it did Taylor. Maybe a little less, actually. After four years with Karlie, she knew the game better than she had even when Austin played. Though it was still fun to ask a question and watch Karlie fondly roll her eyes and shake her head at how Taylor could not know this after so long.

Taylor knew she'd probably be far less calm about the amount of people if it weren't for Karlie's sisters and Derek. Kristine, Kimby, and Kariann had been life savers when it came to decorating and arranging the furniture to allow for enough space and Derek and Karlie had teamed up to get the food put out and distract her when she started to stress by cheekily stealing bites when she almost wasn't looking. This wasn't even her party, exactly. It was Karlie's. But lately everything was theirs, and she liked that. But it also meant she felt like she needed to take ownership of this event, even though she wasn't entirely sure who was playing. Justin Timberlake was the halftime, and Pink was the National Anthem, was that enough?

There was something truly lovely about seeing their home fill up with people they loved, even if she was a bit stressed about the sheer number of them. She'd made a lot of food, but the more who came through the door, the more she worried there weren't enough pigs in a blanket to go around. Karlie laughed and said they could always order Irmo's, but Taylor thought her laugh was a bit tighter than normal. Perhaps being the real hostess for once was getting to her too.

Taylor had just wrapped her arms around her, about to check in and soothe any nerves if needed before there was a knock at the door. She knew part of her worry was that she was so tempted all the time to ruin her own surprise. Every time Karlie smiled at her or wrapped her arms around her, her impatience grew. Perhaps it was a good thing they were in St. Louis then, Taylor thought wryly. She sighed, knowing this was the beginning of the chaos and possibly one of their last chances to steal a moment as truly alone together for the rest of the day. Stealing a quicker kiss than she'd have liked, she reluctantly pulled away to begin their hostess duties in earnest. As Karlie went to greet the first of the arrivals, Taylor took a deep breath and reminded herself to be patient.

She felt a gentle bump against her shoulder and turned to see Derek giving her a reassuring grin as he passed with the last dish. Was she that obvious? Had Karlie seen her thoughts written on her face as she seemed to so often? Derek clearly could see them, but he also knew she had a secret. There weren't many who did, and at least Derek could keep a secret, one of the upsides to a lifetime of exclusive stories and celebrity friendships. It was one of the reasons she and Karlie remained so close to him after all these years. The stories he could tell if the mood struck...but it never did.

It did worry Taylor, just a little, that Ed was one of the few who knew her secret. Everyone knew he was the weak link when it came to secret keeping. And he was, inexplicably, coming into town to watch a football game. Did Cherry like football? she wondered, after going to university in the states. Because Ed knew as much about it as Taylor and Cara, which meant he was vaguely aware when his team scored, if he'd picked one. But she was still glad to know he was coming. She hoped she'd get a few minutes with him to talk, but knew it might be tricky with so many around.

It had been safe to tell Ed at the time. He was on tour most of the year, it's not like there were many opportunities for him to spill the beans. She'd have to ask Derek to run interference if needed. As much as she loved getting to see him and wanted to run some of her last minute ideas past him and Derek, she was a little worried about what would happen if he spent too long speaking with Karlie. Especially after a few drinks. He was almost as anxious as she was about it. She couldn't blame him for that though, when she'd been on pins and needles herself as she'd waited to hear if Cherry had said yes. Not that she'd had much doubt, but there was always that small but terrifying possibility. God, what if she'd read it wrong and Karlie said no? Sure, they'd talked about it often enough but maybe the reality of being out together had changed things? Shaking her head, Taylor ruthlessly stomped on that thought. She and Karlie had learned from the mistakes of the past. They were much better at communicating when something wasn't working than they had been three years ago.

Another deep breath was needed to center herself before she finally left the kitchen and went to greet their guests, happy to see it was Lily who'd arrived first. She hadn't even had time to greet them when she was impacted by a minature head of blonde curls. "Auntie Taylor!"

"Dixie!" Taylor scooped up the little girl she thought of as a niece, lamenting that pretty soon she wasn't going to be able to pick her up like this so easily. How had she gotten so big? She loved getting to watch her grow, having been neighbors and friends with Lily for years now. She wondered if Dixie still told people they were best friends, or if going to school meant she now had a real best friend. And then she realized that if this became a tradition, one day this party might feature a teenage Dixie outwardly pouting but secretly pleased to be shepherding a herd of small Swift-Klosses and Sheerans. She shook her head to clear the thought. Woah. She hadn't even proposed yet. Kids were still quite a ways off.

Karlie, meanwhile, was torn between focusing all her thoughts on the party, and disappearing into her own head. She had more on her mind than the outcome of the game, though she hoped for once it wasn't all written on her face. Derek came over to give her a hand with a cooler of beer, and she wondered if the reassuring glance he gave her was because he knew what was on her mind, or because he could see it on her face. Taylor loved how open she was about her feelings and where she stood, but today she cursed her glass face. If Taylor figured it out before she had the chance to surprise her, she was going to be so disappointed.

The element of surprise was the whole reason she'd picked the Super Bowl. It was unique, right? And an excuse for a party, at any rate. She knew Taylor, at least, would never think to expect it. Valentine's day, sure. It had been something she'd played with the idea of in years past, even as she'd known it wasn't the right time. It was such a classic day for it. That was why she'd gone for something before that. New Years had also been a consideration but she'd wanted to give Taylor more time to settle into the reality of finally being out rather than pile on another factor for her to worry about the public reaction to.

She smiled as she watched Taylor gently set Dixie back down before hugging Lily and Caleb and tried not to let her mind stray to a bundle of blonde curls of their own. There would be no hiding her plans then, she knew. Taylor had teased her often enough for having a face when she thought about their future children.

She ended up not having much time to dwell on it. As if everyone had planned it and just been waiting for someone to make the first move, the arrivals came one after the other. She barely had time to greet guest and point them in Taylor's direction to say hello and get a drink before there was another knock at the door or the bell rung and she started the process all over again. There was a bit of a scramble as Cara had brought a celebratory case of champagne for later and Karlie had to hand it off to Kristine to hide before Taylor saw it and asked questions. Thankfully she was pretty distracted catching up with Abigail and Matt.

It was almost a relief for the game to start, providing a much needed distraction. Karlie knew there were reasons Taylor had never done it, performed there, but she couldn't help but picture some future game they'd all attend together, she and Taylor and the kids and grandparents and aunts and uncles so Taylor could sing, maybe just the National Anthem so that she could chill in the stands with the rest of them after that, but maybe her greatest hits, those would be fun as well. Karlie actually had to shake her head to clear the concept. Too much thinking about kids. First she had to get Taylor to say she'd marry her.

Taylor noticed early on that it seemed like their friends and family were sneaking more looks at the couple than usual as the game progressed, but she put it down to the fact it was their first big event since coming out. It was the first thing they'd given their blessing to when it came to social media posts, and she supposed they were all excited to get to show their love and support for the girls this way. What else would it be?

They were certainly enthusiastic enough to show them off. She knew from a text from Tree that their get-together was trending on just about every platform on social media as her friends and family all made full use of their new found freedom. Derek alone had posted enough snaps of the prep and party along with having someone take a photo of she and Karlie pressing a kiss to each cheek. Buzzfeed was apparently already updating an article listing the cutest moments shared by everyone. Taylor couldn't argue that the photo of Dixie on her lap with Karlie's arm around them on the couch was a clear winner.

It only intensified the thoughts about future kiddos, but they both knew there were other steps to take before that was going to be a real possibility. Taylor's upcoming tour, for one. Marriage was another. They both really wanted to put those two in the traditional order, given they now had the privilege of marrying like any other couple. And Karlie knew Taylor had been thinking about the wedding since before she knew that it would be a woman waiting for her at the end of the aisle. So, yeah, wedding first. But moments like that explained the particular fondness the couple was getting from their family, especially.

The more the game progressed, the more agitated Karlie seemed to Taylor. She'd somehow picked up Taylor's habit of bouncing her leg, though she stilled when Taylor put a gentle hand on her thigh. Taylor thought it might be the closeness of the game or something of that nature, but she didn't think Karlie actually cared who won. She's not a fan of either team, though they were all rooting for the Eagles because they had to pick someone and Taylor WAS originally from near Philly. Those might not have been her best years, but they were still part of her childhood and she had some fond memories of the area, even if it hadn't been perfect.

Karlie was thanking every higher power that existed that first Dixie and then the cats were keeping Taylor distracted, or at least her hands. She knew she couldn't quite hide her nerves. Derek and Austin had both told her to take a few deep breaths and calm down when she went to get another drink. Taylor could write off all of things as it being such a close game, especially once she implied she had made bets with Derek and Casey. But she knew her palms being as sweaty as they were was going to raise questions. As it was, it was difficult managing to wipe them subtly on occasion.

She knew, logically, she had nothing to worry about. She and Taylor had talked about this so many times over the years. About marriage and their future and what they both wanted. They conversations had ranged between shy hope in their early years to desperate or pained hope in their dark times to the comfortable certainty they both enjoyed now but the answers had never changed.

Still, what if? What if Taylor wanted more time? What if Tree said it was too soon? What if it was too much too soon for the public and it all burned down around them? She knew they were silly worries with easy answers. They could have a long engagement. She'd made sure this wasn't going to shoot Tree in the foot. The public was already holding them up as the next Ellen and Portia and the only people who would care didn't like them anyways. But there was still that nagging doubt about how she would handle it if Taylor said no for some reason. Or if this was the right way to do it, if Taylor might feel trapped into saying yes with everyone there.

That was the last thing she wanted. Taylor to feel pressure one way or the other. That wasn't what this was about at all. It was about getting to share one of the best moments of their lives so far with the people who had loved and supported them on their way here. When she excused herself to use the restroom, really planning to reconsider everything she'd ever thought about how this day might go, she was surprised to find the male footsteps behind her belonged to Matt. While she liked Abigail's husband and had been thrilled to be part of her special day as Taylor's girlfriend, carefully hidden from social media and people who would spill the beans, they weren't especially close, having spent only a handful of events together.

"Don't overthink it. She loves you. She wants to marry you. And she's going to love whatever you're planning. Just breathe." Karlie supposed it was only natural that Abigail had told her husband why they were going all the way to St. Louis to watch a televised football game. His message was more direct than she could have anticipated. But also exactly what she needed to hear.

She was less surprised that as Matt went back to the game, carrying a beer as his excuse, Ed came up next. She was getting pep talks from the two men who had most recently proposed. The ones who knew that particular brand of butterflies, and all the anxieties that came with such a huge moment. It was Ed who coaxed her back into the room with the group. Taylor would only come after her if she stayed away too long. All that thinking was only going to make her more anxious. And that was Taylor's job. There was no doubt in the mind of anyone in that room what Taylor's answer would be. They wouldn't have come if there was.

Andrea, Karlie knew objectively, would have told her to wait if she thought there was a chance Taylor wasn't ready. She almost couldn't believe that she'd been so afraid to meet her at first, Taylor having warned her her mother hadn't always liked her girlfriends. She'd have never imagined Andrea would end up one of the strongest supporters of their relationship and a second mother to her.

Karlie wasn't sure how she survived the final quarter as she counted down the minutes. When Taylor rested her head on her shoulder during a time out, Karlie's nerves both eased and increased. She wondered if she could hear the way her heart was attempting to beat itself out of her chest. If with just moments left, this would be when she was caught out. To her own disbelief her luck held and as Taylor was swept up in a conversation about the game by Austin, Karlie slipped away to retrieve the ring, still unable to believe she was actually going to pull this off.

Their assembled family and friends knew the real show would come after the game ended, insisting to one another that the trophy presentation was extremely important, not wanting to risk Taylor starting to clean up now that the winner had been decided and the sports part of the evening was over. Karlie hovered just outside the media room, smiling gently to herself as she caught a glimpse of her girlfriend laughing at something Cara had said. This was exactly the Taylor she wanted to propose to. A happy, laughing one, surrounded by family and friends.

Karlie had put Kariann in charge of the remote, knowing she wanted her most dependable sister to be the one to mute the sound before Karlie spoke. Karlie only hoped she would actually make a sound when she opened her mouth. If Taylor noticed the lowering volume or the way their friends and family carefully melted back away from her, leaving her in the center of the room, alone, it lasted only a second before she heard Karlie breathe her name and turned to see her girl drop down to one knee.

"Karlie," Taylor gasped, already tearing up as she quickly moved past surprise and disbelief into hope and enough love for the woman in front of her, Taylor thought her heart would burst.

"When we met four years ago, I didn't know what I was getting into. I was barely 21 with one actual relationship under my belt and no real plans to settle down. I didn't know if you were single. I didn't even know if you were interested in women for certain, though I'd heard rumours. I just knew that there was a woman who was the most beautiful person I'd ever met. Whose smile gave me butterflies. Whose laugh made my heart soar. And I knew, then, that you were something else. Something special. And my goal for the night became to convince you I was worth a chance."

"Through it all, Tayor, through all our ups and downs, out mistakes and our triumphs, that has never changed. From a dark room at a party to a cabin in the woods to a concert in New York to here and now in front of our friends and family.  You still give me butterflies. Still make me fall deeper in love each day. Still make me strive to be a better woman, to be the woman you see when you look at me." Karlie heard sniffling and was sure if she looked around the room she and Taylor wouldn't be the only ones with tears in their eyes. But she couldn't even consider taking her eyes off Taylor for a moment. She wanted to burn it into her brain, the love and hope that was radiating off Taylor.

"I want to be that woman for you Taylor, every day. There's nothing I want more than the life we're building and the family we've dreamt of. And finally, it seems we're allowed to live those dreams. So, Taylor Alison Swift, will you fulfill my dreams and say you'll marry me?" Karlie finally asked.

Taylor had begun nodding before Karlie even got to the question. There was no doubt what was happening, and Taylor had known, from the moment she turned around, what her answer was. She wouldn't have a ring hidden in her guitar case back in New York if it wasn't the most definitive 'yes' ever spoken. A slight shadow crossed her face as she realized some of the surprise she'd planned for Valentine's Day was ruined, and for a split second Karlie's breath caught, before Taylor managed to speak the word she'd felt in her heart for months.  "Yes."

"Yes. A thousand times yes." Taylor stepped forward to help Karlie off the floor so she could kiss her and let her slide the ring onto her finger. She knew their friends and family were all taking pictures and video to share online as soon as they were granted permission, and she was thrilled. She wanted to remember this moment forever. Exactly how it felt when for one split second the whole world was right and she and her girl were the only people who mattered. "You ruined Valentine's Day, you know," Taylor quipped when the tears stopped and she could let go of her grip on her girl.

"I what?" Karlie demanded. She'd considered Valentine's for her own proposal before eschewing that as being too obvious.

"I made plans for Valentine's, but now it's not going to be a surprise anymore. You already know we're going to get married one day." But Taylor was smiling, and although Karlie knew she was genuinely disappointed about the loss of the element of surprise, Karlie knew Taylor would still manage to offer up plenty of surprises when the day came, even if the proposal itself maybe wasn't one. Knowing her girl had a ring of her own hidden somewhere soothed any lingering fears Taylor might have said yes out of obligation rather than genuine desire to marry Karlie, so she was satisfied with the outcome and couldn't bring herself to feel bad about having gotten there first.

If anything she was a little smug about managing to beat her to it. Taylor had spent most their relationship surprising her in one way or another. Getting to turn the tables with her proposal felt right.

Turning her attention from Taylor reluctantly, Karlie watched their friends and family begin to move in for hugs and congratulations. As reluctant as she was to let go of her fiancee, and didn't that word give her a thrill, she knew she had to let them have their moments. Besides, she'd have the rest of their lives to hold her. She couldn't help but laugh when Ed's first words to her were, "Oh thank god, it was so hard not to say anything!"

"We know!" came the echoes from all sides, as their friends and family heard his words. Ed had the grace to look sheepish, and turn slightly red. His inability to keep secrets was well known. He was also relieved that Taylor had mentioned her own proposal plans. Now he didn't have to keep THAT secret either.

They were thrilled to see so many smiles on the faces of those around them. But the one that Karlie and Taylor both appreciated most was the genuine congratulations from Tree, and the pronouncement to the assembled crowd that she could see no reason not to share, unless the couple had something else in mind for the announcement. They were not going to have to wait, or strategize, how to tell the world about the happiest day of their lives so far. They could just...be.

Their parents hung back, waiting to the end of the receiving line of well wishers, wanting to make the family celebration an extra special one, just for them.

"Congratulations," Andrea was the first to step up, still wiping mascara from under her eyes. "After this, I get to have two daughters, and I couldn't be prouder of you both." She wrapped them both in a tight hug, as only a mom can give.

"I second that," added Tracy, stepping to the other side. "You already know that being together isn't always going to be easy. But you know how to fight for the girl you love, and how to come out of something difficult even stronger. I'm so happy to see you take the next step in your relationship."

Scott and Kurt were next, both expressing their love for their daughters and the fact that although this wasn't what they'd pictured when their girls were born, it was exactly how it was supposed to be, and neither could imagine a better partner for his girl.

And then came the siblings, a squealing bear-hug enveloping the two of them, words indistinguishable as each one tried to express their joy by talking over the next. Even Austin's deeper tones couldn't overcome the din of four siblings celebrating the first step toward making them all family.

The champagne Cara had brought was located, the guests filtering into the back yard, as Karlie refused to pop the cork indoors, lest it break something. They shared a toast to the happy couple in the frigid air before gratefully returning to the warmth of the house, still sipping their celebratory champagne and imagining the next time they'd share a toast to these two, with white dresses, or suits if they wished, flowers and cake.

There was a moment's pause as reality sunk in for everyone before Tree brought the conversation to how they would announce it. She offered to prepare a quick official statement if they wanted to keep it private or hold off entirely if they wanted time to bask in it without the world looking in. Taylor and Karlie shared a look, having a silent conversation, before Taylor asked to see the photos everyone had taken.

Ultimately Taylor gave into the instagram cliche and took a ring selfie, though hers was of her hand intertwined with Karlie's. She captioned hers simply with the date, feeling the picture was statement enough and she'd probably have to address it endlessly on what was left of her press tour. Karlie wasn't surprised to find Matt had taken the best photo. It was she and Taylor embracing, a moment frozen in time where all that existed to them was each other and their love. There was no missing how they felt for each other and Taylor's ring showed brilliantly on her hand that was cupping Karlie's face. A quick play of the settings changed it to a black and white photo she posted at the same time with an equally simple, The Future Mrs. & Mrs. Swift-Kloss.

Once the decision had been made, the posts gone live so the world would know that although they didn't much care who'd won the game, Super Bowl Sunday was one they would never forget, the friends and family who had shared in their moment began to file out, leaving the newly engaged couple to the house they'd purchased with family in mind. As they surveyed the wreckage of their media room, empty champagne flutes, beer bottles, plastic plates and glasses that littered the space, Karlie quipped "I guess I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on Super Bowl Monday?" making Taylor groan, then laugh and punch her gently in the shoulder.

"And every morning-after for the rest of our lives."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to Phoenix! If you're still reading, thanks for sticking around. This still isn't the novel-length coffee shop AU we keep saying we're writing, but we hope this will do in the meantime.
> 
> Zoe and I were inspired to write this update when we realized it had been exactly a year since Super Saturday Night, the concert that inspired us to write the original Phoenix at 4 in the morning. We hope you enjoy this little journey back into their world.
> 
> ❤️ 


	3. Valentine's Day

When Taylor had thought about how she wanted to propose, she'd considered lots of options. What she DIDN'T consider was the possibility Karlie would beat her to it. But ten days before Valentine's Day, Karlie had popped the question at their Super Bowl party, and although Taylor couldn't say she was mad at it, she did regret that now Karlie knew what was coming at the end of the night. It kind of took away from the element of surprise. Still, that was ALL Karlie knew. She didn't know what the ring looked like, a thought that made Taylor take a glance at the diamond on her own left hand. She still couldn't believe some days that it was real. That she was allowed to wear it in public, in front of everyone. That it meant the whole world knew she was the future Mrs. Swift-Kloss. Karlie didn't know what she was making for dinner, or what else they were going to do with their evening. Karlie didn't know that when security picked her up from work, they'd present her with a brand new outfit and a note, kicking off their first (and if Taylor had her way, possibly only) Valentine's as fiancees.  
  
Karlie wasn't sure what Taylor had in store for today. They'd had a bit of a moment over a quick breakfast that morning but the long weekend she'd cleared in her schedule to propose and celebrate their engagement meant she'd been unable to clear her schedule entirely for Valentine's Day. It had been a risk she'd known she was running at the time but as she reflected on the night they'd had followed by the next day of clean up and basking in the glow of being newly engaged, she couldn't regret it. Besides with their schedules and the tendencies for things to pop up last minute, they tended not to schedule a full day of romance as a rule. Getting to celebrate on the day of was a luxury for it, really.  
  
She wasn't surprised to see the security team waiting for her as she left the building. Taylor planning surprises aside, it'd been standard procedure since they came out. As much as people had been supportive, some hadn't been and there were those who hated her being gay or saw her as the corrupting force keeping Taylor from returning to heterosexuality. Some of the threats made meant not even all of Karlie's stubbornness could ignore the need for a security presence.  
  
She greeted (I don't know the names of any of her security, I don't either so I just make them up...the only one I know is Ian and he doesn't work there anymore, lmao) warmly and let herself be guided into the backseat, only slightly surprised to see a box, rose, and note waiting for her. It wasn't an uncommon gesture for either of them on an impromptu date night.  
  
“Happy Valentine's Day, babe” read the note in Taylor's distinctive scrawl. “Tonight is all about you. Making you smile, making you laugh, making you feel like the princess you always make me. But first, a dress. One I hope you love as much as I do. Can't wait to see you in it (or help you out of it). Love, Taylor” Karlie shook her head. Their children were destined to have terrible handwriting. But that was for the future. Tonight was all about spending time with her fiancee. She loved getting to use that word to describe Taylor. And, she remembered giddily, sometime tonight she would finally get her own engagement ring. She grinned to herself with anticipation. She was going to love it, because it was from Taylor, but she couldn't wait to see what it looked like. Couldn't wait to wear it everywhere, to show it off.  
  
The dress was simple, red, appropriate for the holiday, clearly made to cling to Karlie's every curve. It looked like something one would wear on a red carpet, not for a night in, but the fact it was accompanied by nothing more than a red lace thong made it clear that Taylor's goal for the end of the night was the same as her own. They'd been too tired after the Super Bowl party for anything fancy, but tonight was just the two of them, and Karlie had been hoping for a different kind of celebration.  
  
At the door to their building waited another member of security, dressed up like a fancy doorman. “Miss Kloss, welcome home” he intoned in a fake, but not completely unbelievable, British accent. “Miss Swift awaits your arrival upstairs. Enjoy your evening.” She strode across the lobby, barely containing her excitement. She took his presence at the door to mean the building was secure, and cleared. They had the place to themselves for whatever Taylor had in store.  
  
Upstairs, Taylor was hurriedly plating mushroom risotto, asparagus, and salad, hoping to have it all arranged artfully on the table before Karlie appeared at the door. She'd waited until the last second to finish the food, not wanting it to get cold, but that meant a mad rush at the end. She meant to greet Karlie as she came through the door with the rest of the roses that belonged to her bouquet, and made it just as she heard the elevator arrive on their floor, only to realize she was still wearing her apron over her dress, which she remedied by tossing it into a corner, hopeful that Karlie would be so caught up in the evening she wouldn't notice the wadded up fabric.  
  
Karlie walked through the front door, glancing around for any hint to what was in store. The lighting certainly suggested a mood and she looked around for Taylor only to have to focus on remembering to breath. She had known from her own attire that Taylor would be dressed up but nothing would have prepared her for the sight of Taylor in that dress. The sleek and form fitting black dress showed off Taylor's figure well and was just short enough to make Karlie wonder if Taylor would object to skipping dinner all together. Probably, Karlie could admit to herself. She wasn't sure she would taste a bite of it though, mind consumed by those long legs wrapping around her and those black heels digging into her back.  
  
Taylor waited patiently with a smirk, watching Karlie collect herself and finally meet her eyes. “Welcome home. I know what you're thinking, and no, I didn't make mushroom risotto for you to skip to dessert. You've waited patiently for tonight, you can be patient and enjoy what I have planned.” The words were calm, but with enough of a laugh behind them to tell Karlie she was going to enjoy whatever came between now and the end of the night, even if it wasn't Taylor on the dining room table.  
  
It was hard to switch gears and talk about her day at work across a candlelit table and the best risotto she'd ever eaten. Taylor had gotten a lot better at vegan cooking over the course of their relationship, though Karlie was sure this was merely vegetarian she didn't mind. It was so creamy and rich, and a personal favorite of hers. She loved how Taylor was always paying attention to things she said she loved, cooking them for her when she could. It was the little things like that that made her sure they were ready for marriage. Sex was great, but it was the other things that made a marriage, and they had those too.  
  
Conversation and dinner worked their magic, drawing Karlie into the evening the way Taylor had hoped they might. It wasn't easy to distract her girl once her mind was set on a thing, Kloss stubbornness at work. But if it was possible, Taylor planned to do it. First up, after dinner, dancing on the rooftop under the stars. She'd had security put enough heaters up there to make it nearly as warm as the inside of their home, and she hoped Karlie would appreciate the incredibly high-powered telescope she'd rented to let them actually see those stars through the light pollution of the city. Supposedly, the guy who'd delivered it had it set to point the right direction, but if he didn't, she hoped Karlie was enough of a nerd to be able to fix it.  
  
“Alexa, play Love Story” Taylor intoned, as the two ascended to the rooftop. “May I have this dance?” she enquired, turning to her fiancee. Since Karlie knew the ring was coming, Taylor figured she might as well put it early in the evening. There was more to come after, of course, so that in itself would make it a surprise. Certainly the look on Karlie's face indicated she both knew the significance of the song, and was also surprised it came this early on the schedule of events. Maybe she'd get dessert sooner than expected after all.  
  
Taylor knew Karlie was expecting her to drag out the proposal itself out. Both because she'd always had a flair for the dramatic and because it was rare she got to make Karlie squirm like this. The only surprise she could manage at this point was doing it sooner than Karlie expected, so she'd have to take it. It had left her rearranging some of the night but it was worth it. Honestly, it was also due in part to her own impatience to see Karlie wearing her ring. As the song wound down, Taylor maneuvered Karlie so she was standing in place and the ring was within her reach.  
  
“Even in a love song about an epic love story, the couple faced challenges, road blocks, and times they questioned their relationship. We were both young when we met. We'd had relationships, we'd made mistakes, and we'd learned from them, even as young as we were. We've grown together, learned to navigate the moments that threaten what we have, and to fight for each other, and not just with each other. And together, we've weathered the storms that tell us this isn't just in our heads. This is difficult, but it's real. And it's worth fighting for, always. Seems silly to ask now,” Taylor laughed a little as she took the ring box off the table and opened it, dropping to one knee, “but, Karlie Elizabeth Kloss, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”  
  
Karlie immediately dropped to her own knee beside her fiancee. “Of course.” She hadn't expected tears to fill her eyes, when a proposal she knew was coming finally happened, but there was still something so moving about that look in Taylor's eyes, and the way the tears made them sparkle like the diamond in the box. It didn't surprise her at all that the ring Taylor had picked for her looked nothing like the one she'd given her earlier that month. For all that they shared clothes and dressed alike, their taste in jewelry was very different, and their choices for one another showed their understanding of the other's style. While the one Karlie had chosen for Taylor featured ornate details and an old-fashioned air, Taylor's choice for Karlie was modern and clean-lined. Exactly what Karlie would have picked for herself, she marveled, as the two arranged their hands for a second ring picture, this one featuring a pair of rings.  
  
Then it hit her. “Ed picked this out with you, didn't he? That's why he knew at the Super Bowl party that you had one. You'd never have told him otherwise.”  
  
Taylor smiled, and agreed. Ed had been her partner in crime picking it out, though his study of the jewelry had been purely for acting purposes. He'd absolutely no idea what Karlie would want in a ring, but he knew it wouldn't seem very realistic if they got caught shopping for him to say they were picking something for Cherry if he hadn't even been looking at it. They'd gotten away with it, it turned out, but Taylor had wanted all bases covered in protecting her surprise. Taylor had hoped having a ready made cover story would help Ed lie if needed and having her brother in all but blood there meant a lot.  
  
It was a relief and one of the happiest moments of her life, finally seeing her ring on Karlie's finger. She knew she'd soon start counting down until she added another ring to the set. But that was a matter for tomorrow. Tonight, she had a fiancee to spoil with surprises and celebrate with. Starting with the telescope. Or, well, what she hoped they'd be able to see through it. She offered Karlie the next box, wrapped just like the dress had been. “I got you something.”  
  
Karlie couldn't believe, after all this time, that Taylor could sound shy handing her a gift. As though she wasn't going to cherish it no matter what it was because it was from Taylor. As though Taylor wasn't one of the most thoughtful gift givers of all time. A quick shake of the box revealed nothing more than the rustle of tissue paper, in fact, the box seemed nearly empty. Untying the bow and opening it, she found nothing inside but a navy blue folder. She gave Taylor a quizzical look, but knew better than to judge the gift by its unassuming appearance and removed the folder to open it.  
  
“I know these aren't real, exactly,” Taylor began, “but I picked this one on purpose. It was first spotted and catalogued the day we met. So even though its real name is something scientific and nerdy, and not Swift-Kloss like the certificate says, it IS our star, because it has been known for as long as we've known each other. The next page tells you the real name and when it was catalogued.”  
  
Karlie lifted out the certificate to see the next one and gasped at the date. It wasn't from November 2013. It was older than that. “Wait. The REAL time we first met?”  
  
Taylor nodded. “We're meant to be. So I say own it. We weren't in the right place, then, but it's part of our history. It's part of our journey as a couple. Without the relationships that fell inbetween, we'd never have gotten here. We'd never have learned the lessons we needed to be ready for our forever. But if we hadn't met then, maybe things would have been different and we wouldn't have reconnected later. I know it's cheesy, but every moment, every choice we've made led us here, to each other. Even that day.”  
  
If Karlie’s glass face hadn’t told her what she thought of the gift, the kiss that followed her words would have as her fiancée seemed to be pouring everything she felt into it. When it finally broke, as gentle as it began, Taylor couldn’t help but grin at one of her surprises going over so well.   
  
Her grin took on a very different tone as she read Karlie’s face.  
  
“Later.” Taylor promised with another quick kiss. “Don’t you want to actually see your surprise first?”  
  
“Taylor. You bought me a dress, you cooked me dinner, you proposed, you gave me a star that commemorates the very first day we met, when we were both young and had no idea we'd found our forever. What more could you possibly have planned?” Karlie was incredulous. She knew Taylor had started planning tonight even before her own proposal not even two weeks before. But this was a lot for a holiday they usually ignored other than a quick 'galentines' quip. Still, she did, very much, want to see what other surprises Taylor might have planned.  
  
“I rented a telescope so we could actually find our star in space, if you wan-” Taylor trailed off as Karlie took off for the telescope like an eager child.  
  
“Okay, what are the coordinates? They should be on those certificates.” Karlie was all business when given the chance to be a space nerd through and through.   
  
Taylor laughed. She knew her girl well. “It should already be pointing the right direction, give or take a degree, but here,” she added, handing over the certificate with the actual scientific name of their star.  
  
It only took Karlie a moment to ooh appreciatively. The star, the astronomer Taylor has consulted with assured her, had a slightly different hue to most of the surrounding stars. It was relatively young, meaning it would certainly outlive them, their children and grandchildren. “Taylor. It's, like, a baby star! This is soooo cool!!! Have you seen it?”  
  
Karlie stepped away so Taylor could peer though the eyepiece. Taylor was certain, before she looked, that this would be a bit like looking at a football field. Completely incomprehensible. But she could see, near the center, a star that was clearly a different color. That had to be it. “Wow. That's...even better than I thought it would be. Very cool.” Pulling back, she kissed her fiancée. “Ready for your next present?”  
  
She followed her girl eagerly, her anticipation growing as she realized they seemed to finally be headed for the bedroom. As they got closer, she noticed a few rose petals here and there. It seemed her fiancée had decided to embrace the cliche and go for the gold in it. There seemed to be a slight flicker, like candlelight, but she KNEW her fiancée wouldn't have left candles unattended for that long, and also that no one entered their bedroom unless there was a tangible threat security needed to check out. So that wasn't it either.   
  
She was relieved to see, as Taylor admitted her to the bedroom with a kiss, that the candles were all battery powered, though that didn't take away from the romantic mood in the slightest. A silver tray of chocolate covered strawberries lay on the bedspread, a new one she didn't recognize. And beside the bed sat a bottle of champagne on ice with two crystal flutes. Yes, Taylor had definitely gone all out.  
  
“You know Karlie,” Taylor began, “This is a new dress I'm wearing.” Karlie already knows where this is going. There was a song on the album that fit this moment perfectly, but she wants to hear Taylor say the words. Maybe even sing them, if she's lucky, because if she doesn't then Karlie might have to, and nothing kills a mood faster than Karlie's complete lack of ability to find a key, any key, when she tries to sing. “Say my name and everything just stops.” Karlie grins. “I don't want you like a best friend. Only bought this dress so you could take it off...”   
  
Taylor's voice trails off as Karlie presses her lips to hers, sliding her hands round her back to find the zipper. The dress falls to the floor so Karlie doesn't even have to break the kiss if she doesn't want to, but she does kind of want to know what Taylor's wearing underneath. “Mmmm,” Karlie hums appreciatively. One thing Taylor has learned dating a lingerie model is how to show off her assets to their best advantage. They've come a long way since that first Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.  
  
“You know, I only bought yours so you could take it off too.” Taylor gestures but Karlie just smirks in reply. A light and playful shove had Taylor sitting on the bed watching eagerly as Karlie reached behind herself and slowly unzipped the dress. Karlie knew she wasn't the most graceful dancer outside of ballet. She and Taylor were well matched on that front. But years of runways and commercials and lingerie modelling meant this was one thing she did well. Or at least the way Taylor looked at her as the dress slowly fell to the floor and revealed red lace before she stepped out of it made her think so.  
  
Taylor moved back up the bed as Karlie sensually stalked towards hers. The look in her eyes made it clear their night was far from over.  
  
The next morning was just as indulgent, featuring a lazy cuddle combined with breakfast in bed, the champagne they'd eventually re-chilled, and admiring the sparkle of their contrasting yet complementary rings. There'd been a warning from Taylor that they weren't to be interrupted for anything short of an emergency, a warning their teams seemed to be heeding, leaving them with a rare lie in all to themselves. They knew there'd be a second set of social media posts to draft and Tree still wanted to have a meeting to discuss the changes their engagement would have on any press but all of that could wait. For once, the outside world was kept at bay as they basked in the next step of their journey together and their love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We couldn't let Karlie have ALL the proposal fun, lol. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️ Kristen and Zoe


End file.
